The concept of a past. To get over something. To forget something or someone.

To me the present is always intermingled with a huge hint of the past and a small glimmer of the future. I mean, for example when someone really dear to you were to be “buried” in the past. How is that… possible? I just think if something or someone was significant in your life, they will always have a sliver of significance in your present whether you choose to acknowledge it or not. There will always be certain situations you cannot help think back to them and feel their absence/presence once more. And then you realize memories are the most beautiful things you could ever have, because you can choose to alter them, distort them, push them back to recall at another time or create memories that never happened in reality.

Memories are like a diary of your life, a story book of collected treasures and torments. And to think my whole being and my whole concept of a self boils down to my thoughts. These thoughts that were never concrete in the first place. And the more I feel the more I put in. Because we’re all just adrenaline junkies. Looking for excitement and memories and people and places and…… then. we replay them to ourselves over and over again. Fiction and facts all rolled into one. I forgot who said this, but I recall someone telling me that we all need stories to survive. And I never understood that claim, because what about all the super logical and rational people who don’t need fiction in their lives and only need to “live in the present”. But there really isn’t a non-fiction in our lives is there?

And I cannot believe how asleep I had been before I started loving someone. It’s like… being unplugged from the freaking Matrix. Or just from peaceful slumber (because Love is not at all non-violent). How is it possible that this one single emotion awakened me to everything else in life? Even though it is unfathomable. How it is possible for love to feel like a melody brewing from your heart and flowing into your mind and your whole essence, that is a mystery. The biological working in our body when love strikes, you can analyze with science, but when one is put into the situation of being in love (that’s right, you are put there and you have no choice), what more is there really to do, but to perform faith? Either faith in the other, or yourself, or the very idea of Love existing.

Faith–complete trust that something exists even if there is no proof.

God, Love, Myself. All these things require faith to exist. The last one I have no complete trust in but nonetheless I try. Actually, God too. But someone once quoted to me that believing in God is such a Romantic notion. And yes, I guess so. For millions and millions in the world, who most claim to be logical and rational. All choosing to have faith in the idea of a higher being without true proof. We would be in denial to say we do.

And for Love… I would rather be blinded in full delusional rapture than choose to believe it does not exist.