7/19
Of all the time I have been in this city and I have been alive, this is probably the one where I feel I have had the most real personal growth. From graduating, to immigration problems and contemplations (Delaware!), to money matters, to work mofos and disappointments… they’ve all forced me to grow and reconsider who/what I am as well as what matters to me most. I suppose I’ve also become a lot more independent and confident because of all this. I also ironically, have probably never been so social in my entire life. Social in both quantity as well as quality. Interpersonal growth included.
In terms of my identity I have never quite felt so Americanized and yet so Malaysian at the same time. Perhaps it’s that when I am changing past who I was before, the parts of my old self that I deem important, I cling onto harder within me such that the vital components stay intact and consciously reinforced while the less important bits evolve and give way to new parts of me that have sprung from this American/NYC environment. It has taken me 5 long years, but I can truly say now that “America” is a part of me that doesn’t feel quite so unnatural anymore. Nature vs nurture….. Well both Malaysia and NYC have been nurture to me. Who I am at the core is nature. And the truth is I don’t think that when I go back to KL/SG, I will turn back into the person I was before I left. It’s literally impossible… I am a composite now.
A composite that will always evolve and take on new ideas and cultures and sayings, because well, this is what it means to be a global citizen? Not sure I want to be quite so pretentious and use that phrase. But I will say, that I am flexible, persistent, and open. And with all the health and luck in the world, I don’t think my life will be as gloomy or as boring as I deemed it would be as a teenager.
I have this city to thank for the education of a lifetime.
of human bondage 