Archive for the ‘ events ’ Category

consummation

What does it mean to be consumed in the darkness? This blog has been around quite a while now, has it not? But not once have I explained the rationale behind its name. I basically took the Romantic idea that humans are made up of light particles from Star Trek Beyond, where humans are zapped and converted into energy and then reconverted into matter after during the process of transportation. And because light is so free and easy going looking, whereas we are trapped in our physical bodies and stunted by limitations, I feel like we are essentially one trapped chunk of light or energy particles, waiting to escape from our shackles and break free from earth. Hence the name… one trapped light.

The question is whether I let that trappedness define me or will the state of trappedness allow me to define who I am… I suppose. Free will or predetermination? Or both at the same time. Time’s a ticking and it’s time to choose to be strong, or be engulfed in the darkness, trapped forever…

 

synthesis

It has been a while since my last musing in my new home. That is right, the fact that I can comfortably call it ( … Singapore) my home now implicates me in the most insulting manner of affairs. To be fair this is not a bad place to live — it is merely sterile and boring; insipid and uninspiring. It’s not bad for any world standards.

But let me tell you that past the three month mark is when things started to shift for me — when I began truly began breaking in the new pair of shoes, so to speak. Part of me is afraid I will lose that old NYC shine, but the latter part of me knows I will never because I will always be hungry after Delaware. I will spit on as many new shoes, and as many times as I can until I get my life bright enough and conducive…

What is interesting in my new life here is how I spend my money and organize myself socially. I find that I drink and eat out just as much as NYC because that’s what you do when you get a bit of money, though I tend to travel out a lot more. And maybe… it is a little disruptive to my new line of work, but I am still fine tuning that minor detail.

As to work itself, I find it a hundred times more interesting than my old job and personally challenging as the focus is not only on work quality, but relationship and people/politics management instead. I find myself thinking about how to position myself in the best light and in front of the best people instead of merely producing the best work. This is of course, wonderful training for me IMO though it has not come with some minor road bumps and slow signs. What I am still trying to figure out is where the cameras are or are not present; where can I make the illegal U-turns to make shortcuts and exit the highway faster than the others can, despite having to maintain genuinely friendly relations at the same time. It’s sorta like… racing with family. You all want the best for each other but you can’t help when there’s a little bit of sibling rivalry to become grandfather’s favorite.

Since things have stabilized I have also begun to pick up reading again. Thus far I’ve read Spring Snow by Yukio Mishima and One Man’s View of the World by Lee Kuan Yew. Since I am in a business learning environment and am learning about politics and economics in the region, LKY’s book has been a great read thus far, though I have just only come to realize how informative and engaging biographies can be as opposed to dry non-fiction books that describe events instead. Have picked up a copy of Krugman’s ‘The Accidental Theorist’ as well as Hillary Rodham’s biography ‘Living History’ to read in the coming months.

I want to be grateful for the opportunities that have been presented to me thus far, despite the new obstacles that forcing me to be patient and grow.

 

 

 

First Day All Over Again

Life has plentiful fresh starts for some. I suppose a fresh start is one of life’s gifts to me that I truly accept and embrace. Not everybody has the chance to live this sort of life – most are perpetually stuck in a situation they cannot get out of.

Regardless of the surface superficiality of it all, I’m raising my glass (empty or full) to this moment. What comes eventually is a matter of my fate and story.

On another note.. today I wanted to say “hip and trendy” but ended up spewing out “trippy”. Lol.

Summertime

Summer feels like it’s coming to a close for me even though truth be told it’s barely getting started. This time last year I was already mid-way through my summer internship. This time around I am employed full-time, so I do have something new to look forward to come end of the month. But this summer has been extremely different also in terms of the variety and meaningfulness of the things I’ve done and am currently pursuing, prior to that engagement. I suppose a list would be easier to enumerate these things:

1)      Visiting a couple of Malaysian art galleries – Wei Ling Contemporary and Petronas Gallery

2)      Taking the time to visit the museums and institutions in Singapore

3)      Helping out a group of high school students with their school project while on a free walking tour of Chinatown (Singapore)

4)      Seeing him again

5)      Exploring my family connections and attending my first ever baby party! (Singapore)

6)      Enjoying local Malaysian/Singaporean food 😀

7)      Scandinavian tour (Denmark, Norway, Finland, Sweden)

8)      Witnessed the midnight sun at Nordkapp (Norway)

9)      Witnessed the interesting social system setup in the Scandinavian countries and thought deeper about the omnipresent Liberty vs. Equality conflict

10)  Meeting up with friends in MY/SG

11)  Learning to play golf (who knew I would have a natural affinity for it?)

12)  Going for my first sauna! (wow.. I must be getting old)

13)  Successfully started on Umberto Eco’s “The Name of the Rose” (3rd day in!)

 

Bodily Changes

Puberty – a time of growing breasts, penises, menstruation and raging hormones: all of those signify good things to come because life has really just started for the young teenager. And people talk to you about these things, adults and parents educate you. Friends talk about it among themselves excitedly.

Fast forward ten years, your body will still undergo many changes but in a post-puberty world, I feel like nobody really tells you what are these other changes and what to expect. Nobody ever talks about them until they happen. Speaking as a woman, besides the obvious pregnancy where your body changes drastically, nobody informs you there are other stuff that may occur in between. The scary part is that this time around you have discover these things yourself and often times your friends won’t even know what you’re talking about. Your parents sure as hell won’t fill in the details.

Is it because the lack of proper education in these small matters? Is it because all your peers have turned into an adult by this age and adults don’t strive to educate adults – we’re expected to learn this info on ourselves and solve our own problems? Or is it because everyone is scared of what these small issues mean – that we’re getting old, that from here on end only worse things will come, that these changes are by no means good.

Traveler

It’s a weird feeling to be back after a long journey. But back to where? And back from what? Was it really a journey, a travel, a tour, a visit, a dream… an illusion.

 

And yet it feels good to go away just a little bit further, for just a little bit longer,

savor a little more laughter, a little more sunlight, soft

through the window of my glasses.

         When the heart stops yearning to ponder, everything seems much lighter.

You will always wish to go back, to go further,

for a lot more longer, for a lot more further,

for a lot more plaster.

         When the heart stops learning to ponder, everything seems much brighter.

A Italia

I’m kinda psyched to leave for Italy =D

It’s been a wonderful and expensive 1 1/2 years here in NYC. Time to get culture shocked all over again.

Princeton

Spontaneous trips are always fun with the exception of a failed attempt at watching the sunrise on Brooklyn bridge because I got ki. We visited NJ yesterday, or more specifically Princeton town! =D Hahahaha… fail for Harvard again. Princeton University is so pretty, and apparently it takes up half of the whole town lol. Since TL is familiar with Princeton town coz he did boarding school there for a few years, it was nice to know where to go and what to eat. He also showed us around his old boarding school for a bit. And there were fireflies plus fireworks nearby. How cool was that! Well it is the 4th of July weekend. Too bad I don’t have any plans. But long weekend is always good hehe.

First time taking a train from Manhattan. Past few times I sat a bus to get out of the city. And it was also the first time I witnessed a train conductor coming by to punch our tickets. Like omg.. haha. It’s just like the movies. These small little things you think are normal because you’ve seen them on tv before, it’s just more interesting when you go through the actual experiences yourself. Like an answering machine. We never have those back home. Yeah voicemail works fine, but our culture just doesn’t utilize answering machines. I’ve only ever seen them in American movies. Weird huh? Or maybe it’s just me. Maybe every other home has an answering machine but mine.

And as TL and Jd were chatting bout their old high school experiences, I realized I just couldn’t relate. My past just feels like a whole different world away compared to my life here. It even feels weird thinking back to realize that I had a past. Too far away. That’s why sometimes I like hanging out with a couple of Singaporeans for a bit. They like to think they are different from us, but they really aren’t that much. Otherwise I wouldn’t have the sense of home every time we converse together.

Oh my god. When is the last time I spoke to an actual Malaysian face to face? I even strive to hide my Malaysian accent here. Am I ashamed of it? As much as I’d like to say no, I can’t not say yes. When I’m back home I need that accent to survive because really, who wants to listen to some foreign snobbish angmoh accent? But here…. I feel inferior if I don’t speak like them. But the truth is my accent is neither here nor there. The Americans can tell I have a slight foreign accent but they can’t tell where it’s from. Separuh masak saja. Can’t go back yet can’t really go all the way. That’s how I’ve always been.

Yet, you learn to love life here. The materialistic capitalistic spend spend spend culture. The obsession with TV shows. The wide variety of Americanized food (Yes, I kinda like Americanized food now… lol!?!). I miss Asian food a lot coz I’m used to eating rice back home at least once a day. But you soon learn that American food is NOT all the same. Yes, potatoes are potatoes and fries are fries and burgers are burgers. But they taste different from restaurant to restaurant. Diner to diner. State to state. You can’t dismiss their cuisine like that just coz you think their foods are limited and all taste the same anyways. And the stupidest thing I’ve learned here? White people don’t all look the same. LOL.

Sigh… how much each culture doesn’t know about each other. It’s just so ridiculously weird and amazing at the same time.

America ain’t great, NY is.

So guys I’ve officially been initiated as a sister of PCT. As of last night’s stupor…… hahaha.

So today I took a tour of Brooklyn with ExploreNY? group that I signed up for through clubfest? We did a small tour around the Fort Greene neighborhood and had lunch at Smoky Joint. I took much delight in knowing what to order on the menu after going on the New Orleans trip down south. Food was pretty good I have to say, but I think I still liked the random BBQ joint we pulled in in Alabama because the other restaurant was closed on Sunday at 2pm. One regret? Was not able to try the Angus hot dog! I am so going back there in the summer to explore the neighborhood myself. I mean that place feels like freaking Manhattan anyways. Some parts of Brooklyn are just really swag. But I find Queens to be much more… residential? More open spaces and more of a suburban feel compared to Brooklyn. But I might be wrong, I haven’t seen much of Brooklyn or Queens anyways. And huh… I have NOT been to the Bronx. Oh my… why is that? Should go to a Yankee’s game soon lol.

Came back to NYU and took a 5-minute scan of what was left of Strawberry Fest 2011. Yup you read right. Strawberries everywhere. I rate the event a 6/10 though almost every stall was closed when I got there, because I managed to grab a bunch of free strawberries =D You know.. it’s really easy for small people (like me) to get to the front of a crowd of people and grab stuff. People just underestimate us. There’s gotta be strategy you know? For example, you stand close behind the ultra fat guy coz you know he’s most likely greedy and fast at getting food. Then once he’s gone there’ll be a humongous gap to fill, which you coincidentally are able to fill with ease and still leave space for a couple more people.

Damn it. I have like a zillion painting to read up on tonight =/ Wish me luck…

CNY

How’s CNY in NY you ask? Well china town didn’t have anything today. Parade is apparently on Sunday. But you know what? I can NOT imagine people doing Lion Dance in dirty smelly china town, stepping and splashing about in all that slush and black snow.. and I’m imagining that dark liquid gushing up to lick the spectators faces with such vigour and ‘enthusiasm’. If the slush doesn’t physically turn your face black, the sight of that will. It’s just sooo disgusting

 

On another note.. do you think your body can sense that you’re emotionally sad? As in on a more subconscious level…